2015.

So, here we are. The end of another year. December 2015. Another year is gone and to be honest, this one has been a really weird one for me. There's been many low points but at the other end of that, there's been some amazing high points.

The first one of those really high points landed on January 9th 2015, the day that I went out into the pit at a gig and photographed it. For the first time in my life, during those hours, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I suddenly had this amazing confidence in myself and my own ability. The person I need to thank for that choice in my life is Dean Sherwood, he inspired me to want to properly grab my camera and peruse my dreams.

Another really high point happened in April 9th, again, I was photographing a gig. A few days before this day, I photographed a gig for a band (I'm not naming them) and honestly, it was terrible. It was terrible because of a lot of things and at the end of the night, I went home and started uploading and editing the photos that I'd taken and I cried. I sat in tears because as I was looking through these photos I felt my own confidence break down pretty fast and I almost quit but I didn't. The reason for that happened on April 9th, I was shaken when I got into that photo pit I had a lot of fun. I went home and looked at the photos and smiled because there it was, the photos came out great and I felt a lot better about myself and my work. (thank you Bry and Dodie!)

 In May, something I didn't think would happen, did happen. I met my favourite YouTuber; Connor Franta. It was really strange as I've been watching his videos basically from the start. It's always weird when you meet people that you look up to in real life. He is an amazing person and he helped me through a lot of my darker days and I still watch all of his videos to this day. So, I'd like to thank him for all the things he has done for me. Him and the rest of 02L are great and I owe a lot to them.

In June, something really big happened for me, I finished high school and honestly, that is something I didn't think I'd be able to say. High school was absolute hell for me, it absolutely broke me down, threw me down a hole and jumped on me until I felt I could no longer go on. But, I did it. I made it out and it was the best feeling in the world, to this day, it was the best I've felt in my whole life. It is a hard journey for everyone but as soon as you go out of those gates for the last time, you feel on top of the world. I went through fake friends, bullying, self harm and yet here I am, I made it out onto the other side. It's funny how life works like that.
In August, the second part of that happened, I got my results. Let me tell you, I was an absolute shaking mess when I grabbed them. I looked at them and I felt my heart skip a beat, I'd done it. I'd passed and I was taking a big step in my life because I was going to college. But as I left again, I had another decision to make, was it the right thing for me? There were three things I was great at when I was going through school; geography, English and chemistry. If I went to college, I would be doing English as I was going to do journalism and if I went to 6th form; I'd be doing chemistry. I needed to know what I wanted to do and in the end, I did Journalism and I won't know what would've happened if I'd done chemistry and a part of me still wishes that I'd gone on with chemistry but then, college is the best thing that I've done for myself in my life.

In September, that was when things really started to go in fast forward; aka, I started college. But the day before I started there, I met one of the most amazing person on twitter; Amy and I am so looking forward to meeting her in 2016! Anyway, on my first day, somebody talked to me and I knew her from my induction day; Dani and I never been happier that somebody reached out and talked to me because without this girl in my life, I would have quit college within the first week. Without realising it, she's made a lot of things easier for me and here we are, term one is done and I'm still there so thank you for that.

And those were the main points of 2015 for me and now, now for the fun things.

In 2015, I went to a lot of amazing gigs. I was lucky enough to see my favourite band in the whole world, The Vamps, five times and every time made me so happy. Being at their gigs in generally my happy, safe place, singing their songs at the top of my lungs, being with my friends. It's amazing what music does and this band, they honestly mean the whole world to me but I'm planing on dedicating a whole post to that when tour has finished again.
There was also Fusion Festival and that, there are no words to say how amazing that day was. As well as my favourite band being there, I was introduced to HomeTown, who are great!! I saw Adam Lambert, Conor Maynard, McBusted and Union J. The day was amazing from start to finish.
I was also lucky enough to go to the BBC music awards. It was one of the most amazing things that I've been too. I've always wanted to go to an awards show like that and we did it. It was breathtaking.

I also found a band this year, Road Trip, they're a new boyband and honestly I've been watching their videos since the start and these guys are amazing. 2016 is most definitely going to be their year. I'm so proud of these guys and I'm so happy that they're in my life. I'd like to thank them for making me smile and making me laugh, good luck for 2016 guys and I look forward to following your journey and meeting you!! (Twitter: RoadTrip3000) (Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZq2SKai_oKTh-pmhrXB9xQ )

Anyway, thank you to those who made 2015 a really good and to those who made it bad, I'm glad you're no longer a part of my life. I'm wishing you all a Happy New Year! Bring on 2016.

(Here are some of my highlights)

Bye guys!!!

It's Christmas!!

Hey guys!

So,December and that only means one thing! Christmas is here! With four days to go, I am getting a little more in the mood each day, it doesn't really feel like it's time yet but I guess that's just because, 2015 has come and gone so fast, I feel like it should still be May! Don't you think this year has gone stupidly fast? Though, I'm happy that it's landed here again as it is my favourite month. It just feels like a cosy month where people light candles, put the fire on and snuggle up with some good films.

Since the start of the month, I finished college for the term, attended the BBC music awards and caught up with most of my friends and family. The BBC awards was absolutely amazing, the acts there were so, so good and I had so much fun with Dani, I'm so thankful that we went and I hope we go again at the end of 2016. My friends are finished with uni for the semester which means I had a chance to catch up with them and we went to Birmingham around the German Market and I met two of them for a catch up white hot chocolate.

I am looking forward to this week, Shayla is staying with me until Christmas Eve as it means she's here on my birthday (23rd) so I'm looking forward to spending a few days with her. We're going to sit in my room on our laptops and we're going to film a video for her YT. And then on my birthday we're going for a meal with my family and Dani so it should be good and then she goes home and it'll be time for wrapping and preparing for the big day.

Then, when all of that is finished it will be time for 2016. I don't know what 2016 holds for me but I look forward to taking the journey through it to see what it brings me. There is something beautiful about starting a whole new year. I'm not going to be that 'new year, new me' person because I'm not. Sure, there will be personal goals that I want to achieve through the year but I'm not a new person. I'm still boring old me. There are some exciting things happening in 2016 though so I'm looking forward to those!


Anyways, 

I hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas, if you celebrate it and if not, I hope the rest of 2015 treats you well.

I'll talk to you all soon!




 

December!!

Hey guys!!

How are you all today? 

So, am I'm sure all of you know already, it's December, aka, my favourite month of the year! It's is also a busy month, there is so much planned for me like I finish college on the 17th and that is the day my parents and brother are decorating all of my bedroom as a surprise for my birthday that falls December 23rd. It's finally here again. And then, obviously the big event of the month, Christmas and I am really looking forward to it this year.

December is a great month because it may be really stressful but people are always happy which makes me really happy. Although, at the moment I am more stressed than happy but that's more because of the amount of work I need to get done. But that's besides the point, it's almost the best day of the year and all of my shopping is finished which is a bonus for me! 

I'm only going to one gig this month too and that is the BBC music awards with one of my best friends; Dani and I am really, really looking forward to it. There is so many big names there like Mumford & Sons, OMI, One Direction and a lot more so it's going to be an amazing night. Well worth the panic buy one Thursday morning haha! I'll be doing another blog post about it all though so I'll keep you updated on that one, please let me know if any of you lot are going!

So, what did I like during November?  

First thing, my favourite band in the world; The Vamps, released an amazing album named 'Wake Up' and you should all go and listen to it. Been following these boys since the start and I'm really proud of them!

More music, on the 13th, One Direction released their new album 'Made In The Am' which is also amazing, like, it's so good. My favourite on that album is still Infinity, I just think it is a really beautiful song and I'm really proud of these boys too, I feel like I watched them grow up. On the same day, Justin Bieber released Purpose and do I need to say more? I fell for it straight away, it is so good. Great one Bieber. 

Last item here, Sounds Good Feels Good by 5SOS was released at the end of October and it most definitely in my top 5 albums for this year. I just really like all the songs on it, these boys worked so hard on it and they deserve all the things they get.  

Also in November, I rekindled my  love for 02L and all the members. I mean, I've always kept up with Connor's channel, he was always my favourite out of the group but I watched all of their solo videos that I hadn't seen yet and now I'm obsessed with them all again, oops!! 

So that's it really, my whole life is just college, Youtubers and bands haha! Anyways, I'll be posting again hopefully around the 11th so I'll see you all then!!

Moving On and Something Good Always Comes.

Hey guys,
So the words 'moving on' are words that are used a lot right? I always say it mostly when somebody says something awkward and I just chime in with 'moving on.' But the two words have a meaning that is much stronger than getting out of an awkward situation that you've found yourself in. Moving on has a different meaning to everybody I guess, the thought of moving on can obviously sometimes be a very scary thought.

For example, in September, in just under three weeks actually, I'm moving on. I'm making the transition from High School to college and that change is going to be amazing for me. High school for me has been a hard time because of everything that happened while I was there but now I'm moving onto better things. Which is a relieve for both me and my parents because I know how worried they are about me and about thinking I would relapse. I'll admit, I'm scared about going to college, not knowing anybody that's there with me but it's an excited kind of scared, it's going to be a whole new adventure for me to embark on and I know I'm actually going to love it. 

I'm also moving on from a bad stage on my life. This 'bad stage' as I call it ranged from January 2014 - August 2015 so just over a year and a half. In this year and a half, things haven't been exactly what I'd call good for me and there's nobody else to blame but myself. I let myself get into a state that I shouldn't have, I wasn't as strong as I wanted to be and I took that out on myself in a bad way. Whether I was physically causing harm to myself or I was telling myself things that put me down, I knew that both of those things were wrong and weren't healthy but I did them anyway because I thought I deserved it. I thought I needed to be punished. This resulted in me doing just that, punishing myself. My physical harm stopped in October 2014 and that's when I started to take control of my situation but not fully, putting myself down is something I still do every time I look at myself or look at the scars on my skin. Yesterday, I decided to put this to a stop which is why I've logged out of my Twitter and Facebook at the moment, to take some time to myself and I still know my friends are in quick reach as I can still text them but yes, as of today, I am putting myself first and I'm moving on from that dark time to try and make myself happy and the people around me happy.

Obviously, sometimes, moving on is not an easy thing to do. I was born in Plymouth, Devon and I lived there for the first third of my life now I guess but when I was five, my dad left home and moved up to Rugely which is near Birmingham because he got a new job that paid more and my mum wanted to move because she could be closer to my nan. Anyway, I knew that it meant we'd also be moving and at first, I was excited about leaving and moving on but as time progressed, I didn't want too. I was leaving everything that was familiar to me behind me and moving somewhere where I didn't know anybody; the thought terrified me. And now, sometimes, I wish that I still lived there because it was peaceful and loved it even though, I know moving up here was a good choice for all of us, moving on really was hard.

When you're sad or something's bad happened do you ever get tired of hearing the phrase 'it gets better?' I know I do. I did. When I was going through that bad stage, everybody would say that phrase to me and it was honestly the most annoying thing ever and I hated it whenever they slipped out of somebody's mouth. When things are bad, you don't believe it. You don't believe that things are going to get better because basically it doesn't feel like it actually will get better. Like that simple phrase is a story we have to tell ourselves to help us actually sleep at night. In the past year and a half, I can't count how many times I heard that and how many times I responded with 'Okay, whatever. I hate that phrase' because I did, I hated it. The reason I hated it was because I didn't believe it, there was no way that things were going to get better, that's what my mind told me anyway. 

Just under a week ago, I collected my GCSE results and to put it shortly, I was dreading it. I had worked so hard on them, I really had and the thought of them not being very good terrified me, I was scared of disappointing those around me but most of all, I was scared of disappointing myself because I knew I'd be right back in a bad place. As it turns out, my hard work really did pay off because I got 2A's, 3B's and 2C's which is better than I thought so in the end, things did get better. I managed to get through those school years that were killing me and it paid off because I got the results that I wanted and needed to get into college which I've know enrolled into.

So, no matter how much you hate the phrase and don't believe it when things are going on, it gets better. I know that it seems like it really won't because things are so badly going wrong but they really, really do and that's a promise. Don't brush off the phrase the next time somebody says it to you like I did because now I know that it's true and that no matter what, I can do it. I can take control over myself, my work and my body because here I am, alive and pretty healthy and I managed to do that myself. Give yourself credit because, things are going to be okay. You're going to be okay.

On my spotify, I have a private playlist called 'You Got This' and it's a playlist of all the songs I like to listen to when I'm feeling down and I thought I'd share some of it with you guys because it might help some of you too and I'll link all of the songs too!

I'll Be Okay by McFly
Strong by One Direction 
Through The Dark by One Direction
She's Kinda Hot by 5 Seconds Of Summer
The Only Reason by 5 Seconds Of Summer
Missing You by All Time Low
Therapy by All Time Low 
A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton 
Just Keep Breathing by We The Kings 
All About You by McFly 
Don't You Worry by We Are The In Crowd
Art Of War by We The Kings
Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings
Central Park by Union J
Carry You by Union J
Wild Heart by The Vamps
Move My Way by The Vamps
Brightest Of Colours by James McVey 
Party Girl by McFly
Beautiful Girls Are The Loneliest by McBusted 
Somewhere In Neverland by All Time Low 
Sparks Fly by Hey Violet 
She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds Of Summer
Drag Me Down by One Direction 
Good Girls (Live Version) by 5 Seconds Of Summer 

Now I listen to some of these songs because they motivate me so much with the words and meanings of the song and then I listen to some of them because they hold a special meaning for me for example A Thousand Miles brings back great memories of last year, the live version of Good Girls makes me giggle and reminds me of Shayla, each song I listen to for a different reason but a special reason. This isn't even half of the playlist by the way, just a small snippet. 

Anyway, I hope you liked this post and I hoped it even helped some of you,
Have a lovely day, you deserve it,
Chloe xxx

Motivation.

Hey guys,
It's currently 1:53 on Tuesday, August 25th and I was reading something and suddenly have so much motivation to do so much stuff. Staying up until the early hours of the morning has become a nightly routine for me, I always seem to get nausea during the night which results in me not being able to fall asleep, anyway, I always find the early hours of the morning a time where I get a load of motivation to do things.

I know a lot of people who seem to find themselves motivated in the early hours of the morning too which is why I'm making this post I guess. Normally, my motivation comes in the light of blog posts, story ideas and new routines that I could try for when I go to college but motivation can push us to do different things. Tidying up, exercising, getting out of bed are just a few ideas off of the top of my head. It's a strange feeling when you suddenly feel motivated to do so much and when it comes in the early hours of the morning like it does with me, it isn't always easy to act on the motivation.

So, I googled the word motivation, and this is the definition,
"A reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way" which is true because when you're motivated, you suddenly find a reason to do something.

In May and June I was doing my exams as you may know if you do read my blog or if you're friends with me. Anyway, during that period and the time leading up to it, I treasured motivation to get up and revise because I knew that the more I revised, the better I would do in those exams that I was taking. My motivation for doing well in my exams came for a few reasons, I wanted to prove to myself that I was more than my high school bullies told me I was, I wanted to get into college so I could have a fresh start, I wanted to make my friends and family proud of me and I didn't want my years of hard work to go to waste and sometimes it worked. Some night, I sat up in my room, earphones in, revising for a good few hours at a time and then other nights I was curled up in a ball, crying and telling myself that I couldn't do it. It was the nights where I was full of motivation that pulled me through that short period in my life and now I have my results, I know that it was all worth it in the end.

I love feeling motivated to do something because when I've done that thing, I always feel a lot better about myself and that day. For example, if it's the early hours of the morning and I think of some sort of story idea, I type the general idea and save if it my notes, ready for a reasonable time, when that time comes, if I look over my notes and the idea is still waiting to be used and my brain is yelling out ideas, I feel a lot better about it because I've managed to keep that motivation.

But, like most things, motivation can also have a bad side to it. Sometimes, people are motivated to do a bad thing and that's a bad side of motivation. When I was about twelve, my parents told me a story about my brother (sorry bro) from when we were little. Basically, we both had advent calendars and one night, he ate all of the chocolate out of my advent calendar and I have no idea why. There must have been a spark of motivation there to make him do it and he acted on it and did it. Have you ever done something you shouldn't have? Acted up at school because you wanted to impress your friends and seem cool? Ate the last chocolate bar because you were hungry even though it belonged to somebody else? These are all things that we do because we have the motivation to do so and although, they are minor things, they're still bad things that are brain is telling us to do which of course, we act on.

When I had just turned fifteen, I knew there was something wrong. As in, I'd been self harming and I needed to speak to somebody, sure, my friends knew it was happening and one of them had decided enough was enough and made me go and see the school councillor and I was terrified. Especially when the words 'I have to tell your parents.' Slipped from her mouth. Fate was on my side that day as she hadn't been able to get through to my mum but now my problem was so out in the open, I took matters into my own hands as my mum and I were laid across her bed whilst we watched TV like we do every night. My heart was pounding in my chest and I couldn't focus on anything else and that was it. I told her. It was the best decision that I have ever made and I was so glad for the motivation that struck me in the moment, the motivation to get the help and support that I needed.

So, basically, when you have some motivation to do something good, use it. Even if it is two in the morning and you want to go outside and take a load of photos around your area, do it. Motivation can be a magical thing really, it's our brains way of telling us that we have something to do. But, if you're the one ready to go into a  sibling's room to steal their advent calendar chocolate, stop yourself and ask yourself why you want to do that before turning that bad motivation into good motivation. Make yourself a hot chocolate  instead.

What motivates you to do good things?

See you soon guys,
Chloe

Fangirls. Rant.

Hi guys,
So, as you have probably gathered, this is going to be a rant and I don't know how long it's going to be so here we go...Okay so, listen in you lil shits ;)

The 'Daddy' kink, 

Okay so I have a question...Why? Why is this a thing? It's honestly very weird and disturbing. Whoever came up with this daddy kink thing has a weird mind. Band members are NOT your 'daddy!' If you call band members daddy, you honestly need to stop it because they don't find it cool, they find it really creepy so please for your own sake and dignity, stop it.

Oh this one should be fun, boundaries, 

People need to learn that there are boundaries between yourself and your idol. Newsflash, they do not need to share every single little detail of their personal lives with us through social media etc. They are all people just like you and I, they have a right to have a personal life as well as the life they share with all of us through social media and that. 

There are also physical boundaries. When you meet your idol or a celebrity or anybody, there is a physical boundary between you and them. If they don't want to hug, then you don't hug, do not make them uncomfortable. Do not touch them because it's fucking boundaries. Let them have some personal space because they're people just like you, do not act like animals.

Hating of the other half, 

Hey guys, I have a question for you all. Imagine that you're a celebrity and you're with somebody who you're head over heels in love with but all of your fans hate on them, how do you feel? Does it make you feel good? No, no it does not so why hate on other people's other half? It must make them feel like absolute shit and you're the one causing that, it shouldn't make you proud of yourself. 

Example time, Ashton and Bryana. All of the 5SOS fam know what Bryana said about them and yeah but you know what? That's in the past. I don't have the best opinion on Bryana but I would never ever send the girl hate. Ashton is happy, she makes him happy. Surely if you're a fan, all you want is for him to be happy and not hate on the person that makes him happy. Planning to actually throw eggs at the girl in the most fucking disgusting thing that I've ever heard that the 5SOS fam have planned. You are the reason the whole fanbase gets a bad name because it's honestly awful that you'd plan to do something like that. Also, James and Kirsty. I love James McVey he is just about my favourite person in the world, and hearing about the fact loads of fans threw insults at Kirsty just because they don't like her made me really sad. Yes, she made some mistakes first time round but you do not insult her because it's hurting her and it's hurting James and it honestly needs to stop. 

Respect the people that make your idol happy. It's not their fault that you're jealous.

Hate within the fans,

Hating on other fans within the fanbase is not cool and it does not make you look big. It makes you look like an asshole to be honest. 

The thing that annoys me the most in this area is hating on fans who have met the band/celebrity. It really, really annoys me. It annoys me so much because you're hating on them because you're jealous of them and it's ridiculous. You pick on somebody's appearance or personality just because of the fact you're jealous that they've met the person you want to meet. One day you're going to meet them too so just be nice to the people who have yeah? Thank you. 

A fanbase is meant to be a nice place where we all make friends and share stories with each other and be nice to each other but that's not what it's like anymore. A fan should not be scared to make themselves known to other fans because they're scared of what others might say to them. It's horrible to see and it should not be the case in a fanbase. Just be nice to everybody around to you and make friends within your fanbase. The people that I've met through the bands I love are some of the best people I've ever met. Ever.

"14 Year Old's"

Okay, I'm probably going to get loads of hate for this but here we goooooooooo....

A few days ago Ashton Irwin did an interview for a magazine where he said something like '14 Year Old chicks don't judge your drumming' and yes of course, as the 5SOS fam always do, people overreacted to it. What Ashton said wasn't wrong really because let's face it, a lot of the 5SOS fam like 5SOS because they think they're hot. Yes, not all of the fam are 14 year old fangirls but a lot of what 5SOS see is probably just people screaming, telling them they're hot and begging them for follows on twitter so you can't be mad about it because let's face it, it's true. 

"They're really hot, who cares about the music, lol?!" 

The most annoying phrase that has ever come out of a fangirls mouth. The music is the essence of the band, I know, I know it's a huge shock. When I get into bands, the first thing I do is listen to the MUSIC and decide whether I like that band or not. I don't find a band, find loads of pictures of them and then decide I like them just because they're really "hot." A band or musician is doing what they're doing because they love music and want it to be their lives, they're not doing it to impress a load of horny fangirls who think they're really hot. Bands and musicians are about music and that's what their fans should be focusing on. When I listen to a band, I love listening to the wholesome drum beats and those beautiful guitar solos and those strong bass lines, I don't care what the band looks like, I just love the music.

"I've liked them longer than you, you're just a fake fan"

There are so many things wrong with saying this. 

First of all, just because you've liked them longer or liked them "from the start" does not make you any better than any other fan. If you try to claim that you've liked them longer so you're a better fan, you're a bit of an asshole. It doesn't matter how long you've liked a band, if you've liked them for ten years or ten seconds, if you enjoy the music then you're a fan of that band.

For example, I've loved the band McFly for twelve years but I don't see myself as a bigger fan than somebody who became a fan today. We all love the band and that's what matters. That we love the band, what they stand for and the music they make. Their music makes me so fucking happy, they make me smile, they brought me loads of friends and they've made me laugh to no end and that's why I love them.

Never call somebody a "fake fan" because it will hurt them and it will hurt the band if they see you call them that. Also, you'll give yourself a bad name by saying it so really, it's not worth it at all. 

Shippers. 

Shippers. I ship Lashton as a friendship NOT as a relationship. Have you ever noticed that people start shipping two people romantically and then those two people see to become less close?

I'm going to use the biggest example here, Larry Stylingson. Now I was a Directioner between 2010 - 2012 and now I'm a Directioner again since about this time last year and I've always followed Directioners on twitter so 'Larry Stylingson' is something I see a lot. I've also seen a lot of people say that they don't seem as close as they use too and have you ever thought that might be because of all the shippers? Because it's making them uncomfortable? The fans are doing that to them and then getting upset because they're not as close anymore? Maybe dial down the shipping. It's honesty fine to ship people but don't post it everywhere to a point where the people are becoming very uncomfortable.

Begging for follows,

I follow a lot of people and some of those followers are the people who spend all of their time tweeting somebody begging them for a follow. Some people are on their like 5000th tweet to somebody begging them to follow them and quite frankly, it's fucking annoying. It spams everybody's timelines and the fact that you're sitting their begging constantly probably annoys the person that you're actually tweeting. 

If I see somebody doing it I either mute them or unfollow them because it annoys the crap out of me.

Mobbing

Not going to lie, this one is something that pushes my buttons more than anything else. 

It's not that hard, DO. NOT. MOB, BANDS. They are human beings, actual humans beings. You do not mob them. One time, I met a Youtuber called Brett outside New Street Station in Birmingham with my friend Georgia and he stood there and spoke to us for an hour and a half about anything and everything. Do you know why that happened? Because we did not mob him, we were really casual with him. Shayla and I met Olly Murs and stood there really casual about it and we went away, out of sight, and had a bit of a cry about it. 

I honestly do not understand how anybody could mob somebody. Can you not step back and realise what you're doing is wrong? I would much rather stand there for a couple of minutes and have a normal conversation rather than scream in their face and tell them I love them. It makes them uncomfortable and it is so cringy. Remember how a couple weeks ago Ashton was with his grandparents and he cried because he was so overwhelmed when fans mobbed them, that's not okay. Step back and see that mobbing somebody is not the way forward and it ruins it for everybody else. They won't want to come and meet other fans because they're scared of being mobbed. 

Also, when you mob a band then you can get injured of they could get injured. Would you want to be injured because everybody's running towards you and your idols? No. How would you feel if your idol stopped meeting people because other fans had hurt them? You'd feel like crap and be mad at the people that hurt them so listen, just don't mob them.

They're human beings, you're human beings so stop acting like fucking animals and be careful!!

Honestly, if you got offended by this rant, I'm not really sorry. 


Back to normal posts next week,

Bye guys!

Dear Future Self

Dear Future Self,

Hi, it is currently 10:56am on Sunday, May 24th 2015 and you are currently getting excited about the fact Slam Dunk is tomorrow but in the back of your mind is all of that maths revision you haven't done... Anyways, I wanted to say a few things to you and I hope you're sitting there with your future husband reading this, smiling because you've done all of these things.

1) I hope you're smiling more. Your friends used to tell you that you should smile more but I hardly do because I'm so self conscious of it so I hope that it's something you've broken out of so you smile more because happiness is the key to everything.

2) Have you stopped stressing so much yet? As this is a target I'm always going to set for myself, every single year, I want to know if I've done that yet. Currently, I stress over every single little thing, exams, what clothes I'm wearing, if I look fat and even if I have a new spot that people are going to point out when I walk past them and I hope you've got over that stress and anxiety and are in fact, happy with yourself and your own body because in the big picture, spots probably aren't really that important. 

3) Please keep your dedication. Did you know that in 2015, you planned on seeing The Vamps eight times? Though, you'll only see them five times now but that isn't the point! Okay, I want to keep my dedication to everything that I do. Whether it be bands or my school work because I work my butt off at school and I hope I'm still doing that in my work or whatever I'm doing.

4) Please, please, please don't have given up on your dreams! I can see sitting on my desk across the room is my camera that I got for my birthday and I haven't even used it that much but I'm going to keep going so please tell me I didn't give up that I did keep going and I'm now achieving my dreams.

5) Last, are you happy? Are you sitting down reading this, settled down with my future husband or wife which ever and can you say you're actually happy? Because the teenage years did not treat you well at all so far, self harm, anxiety, depression, being bullied. Is that all over now? I hope I was strong enough to get over all of those bridges. I hope you are smiling, not because you have too but because you want too. I hope there is that warm feeling in your heart for the person you've settled down. Are you happy in yourself and your own body? I hope you are, I hope my future partner has taught me how to love myself with the help of you along the way obviously. 

Well, I hope you're having a good life!!

From current self. 

Exams

Hey guys,

So it's May and that can only mean one thing! It's exam season as well as the start of summer but the two completely contrast each other. Summer is a happy time full of sunshine, laughter and happy memories whilst exams bring with the complete opposite; rain, crying and the horrible memories of wanting to yell swear words at the exam paper.

Exams bring along with them everybody's worst enemy: revision. So, if you are ranging from the ages of sixteen and eighteen at the moment, you'll know exactly what I mean. Has your exam revision made you cry over spilt milk yet? Because, I know that is the stage I'm at right now but it doesn't have to be as bad as that.

I know as well as the next teen, exams and revision and the emotions it brings with it are horrible but it is something we can all get through. Next week on Tuesday, my first exam starts and it's Biology Addition and if I'm completely honest, I'm shitting myself but that's just a natural reaction to exams. Some people may be better at hiding it than others but deep down everybody has that fear when the word 'exams' is said. That horrible heat in your veins, the way your heart starts to beat a little faster and the way your stomach twists. 

There are two elements of exams: The build up and the sitting down and doing it. For me, the worst part is definitely the build up. 

When you're in high school/sixth form/college, the only thing the teachers talk to you about is the dreaded E word which is why everybody gets that sick feeling in their stomach. Everyone builds them up to be much worse than they actually are. I know I feel like that. As my exams are only a week away, it's the only thing on everybody's minds around me because it's getting so close! 

Dealing with exam stress: 

Exam stress is the hardest thing. The feeling that builds up inside your head, telling you that you can't do it. That something terrible accident is going to happen where you forget everything you've ever learnt but, in reality, you need to push that thought aside. Unless you're part of the Fantastic Four and get caught in some freak experiment, it's not going to happen!

If you are feeling like the stress and build up is becoming too much, talk to somebody about it. You are not alone, look around in your class, your whole year, every single person there is feeling exactly the same way you are. And yes, you may talk to a parent or teacher and even your best friend may say 'look, you can do this. You are smart enough' when you talk to them about the big problem pondering over your head but, if all of those people are saying it, it must be true right? You just need to start believing that yourself and take this from somebody who spends most of their nights crying over exams, it's true. You can do this but you need to tell yourself that.

A big part of exam stress is the revision you feel is never going to end. The important thing with revision is to not over do it because if that happens, you'll just run yourself into the ground and you really do not want to do that - it's the worst outcome. 

Here are my top tips when it comes to revision: 

• Take regular breaks when revising. Your brain will only fully take things in for twenty minutes at a time so make sure you're taking good five - ten minute breaks every so often.
• Keep hydrated and eat snacks when revising. This will help stimulate your brain more and will stop you getting tired so easily.
• Make priorities. My exam timetable is colour coded into three sections. Red: Highest worry; Orange: Medium worry and Green: Least worry. This way I can see which subjects are my weakest so I know which ones I will be revising hardest for.
• Do something relaxing. When I'm revising, I have my headphones in and am listening to either classical music because it chills me out so much or my favourite bands and well, singing along rather loudly to my favourite bands because it relaxes me and it helps me focus more. If listening to music isn't for you, in your breaks watch an episode of your favourite show or have a movie on in the background while your revising and it will relax you immediately.
• Revise in the way that is best for you! I start of by highlighting the most important parts and then sticking post it notes everywhere because it helps me. I then write out all of my notes again because I know if I'm writing them out, I have to think about them first. I also have a box of questions and I'll randomly ask my family to ask me a question from the box because if I answer it correctly, I know that I can do it. But, if those methods are not for you, then don't use them! My brother records himself reading his notes and then listens to the recordings because that's what works for him.
• DO NOT OVER WORK YOURSELF.

Now, you've done all of that revision and it's the day of your exam and all of that stress and panic is building up inside of you. The feeling of vomiting is becoming more and more appealing with every passing second but you know that you have to sit this exam no matter what. You can do it. I suffer from really bad anxiety so sitting in a room with a lot of people and being under a lot of stress is just about my worse nightmare but there are some things I do beforehand to help me along.

• I always eat a chocolate bar and/or drink some coke about fifteen minutes before my exam is due to start. It was a tip that my dad gave to me two nights before my drama exam and he said the sugar with help your brain when in that high stress place. But, just make sure you eat something small and have a drink before each exam else you'll start to become light headed and tired which means it'll be harder to focus.
• Sleep well. Obviously, you can't do this outside of your exam hall but make sure you sleep well the night before your exam and eat some breakfast in the morning. It will stop your body and mind being tired and will make sure your brain is stimulated.
• Light exercise. If your exam is first thing in the morning, make sure you do some light exercise before heading off to school because it will wake your brain up well.
• When I'm standing outside an exam hall, I start to feel so overwhelmed and panicked that I normally can feel some sort of panic/anxiety attack coming along but don't worry if this starts to happen! Take a step away from the large crowd of people and take deep breaths. I know the thought of taking an exam is scary but you need to calm yourself down. Keep taking long, deep breaths until your heart rate is normal and you feel ready to take the exam.
• I know it's hard but just try and stay as calm as you can. You can do this, you know you can.

DISNEY

Hello,

Well, since we've decided that we're going to Paris right after I finish my exams then I thought I'd do the Disney tag and share some of my favourite memories from previous trips to the different Disney parks!

Disney tag: 

1) A scene in any Disney movie you wish you could experience? 

It may sound like a very cliche but the lantern scene in Tangled, it's so beautiful and constantly makes me cry!

2) An unforgettable moment/experience you've had in the parks? 

When I went to Florida in 2014 after 5 years of not going, I remember walking into the Animal Kingdom and just crying my eyes out with happiness because I was so glad to finally be back.

3) What non-Disney songs remind you or brings back memories of Disney and/or the parks?

Definitely, Somewhere In Neverland by All Time Low. Peter Pan is my favourite ride at Disney and is one of my favourite Disney films. It also just fills me with joy and happiness. I'd also have to say Lighthouse by Mallory Knox because it's the song I listened to as we landed the last time we went to Orlando.

4) When was the first time you went to the Disney parks? 

Now, I think it was October 2002? I remember coming out of Pre-school and my parents just said 'We're going to Disneyland Paris!' and it was the happiest moment of my life.

5) If you could choose any of the characters to be your best friend, who would you choose? 

Chip & Dale or Stitch for sure!

6) Who are your favourite Disney princesses? 

Jasmine because she's just great.

7) Name a scene/moment in a Disney movie that never fails to make you cry.

There are so many! I blub at every Disney film I see! But one of the main ones for me is in Monster's Inc when they put Boo back through her door and Sully has to say goodbye and then at the end of the film when they see each other again!

8) What is the first Disney movie you remember seeing? 

It was Monster's Inc! It wasn't only the first Disney movie that I watched, it was the first film I ever saw at the cinema and I loved it then and I still love it now.

9) What is your favourite Disney movie?

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.
I remember going to see it four times at the cinema in the space of a week. I love it from the first second to the last. I always cry and laugh. I just love it so much. Whenever I'm sad or ill, it's always the first film I watch the cheer me up.

Now that's the Disney tag, I thought I'd share some of my favourite moments I've had over the past sixteen years in the parks.

In January 2011, we went to Disneyland Paris for my dad's 40th birthday. On the first night, we were going back to the hotel and I thought it'd be a great idea to walk on the wet grass instead of on the path and I slipped and fell into the mud and I've never been so embarrassed and then Chip came over and helped me up and he kissed my hand and it was the cutest thing! And then we went into the games room of our hotel so I could laugh away my embarrassment.

The last time we went was in February 2014, we were in Disney Hollywood Studios and I was annoyed because I didn't want to have to queue up for 90 minutes for Toy Story Mania and I was slouching along the path and suddenly someone pinched my side, I looked up to see Jesse stood behind me and I was so happy to see a character from Toy Story, it immediately lightened my mood and we actually had fun in the queue for Toy Story Mania because I was in a good mood.

When I was about 10, we went to Paris and we were watching the fireworks and I hate fireworks, they literally scare me so much and there were Disney characters around and I cried, ngl. So Chip came over and stood with my family and I to cheer me up and it was just wonderful.

The last memory I'm going to talk about is Character breakfasts! Character breakfasts at Disney are the most magical thing in the world! We haven't done one since I was about 7 or 8 but they are so amazing. We've done the one with the characters from Winnie The Pooh twice and I loved it both times. All the characters walk around the restaurant where you are and they stop for cuddles and photos. They really do make your day magical no matter what. I remember crying because I was so happy to meet Eyore and my brother and I jumped around with tigger. We had so much fun and so did my parents and it was just breathtaking.


So, that's it. My Disney tag and some of my favourite memories. Disney will always be the most magical place on Earth for me because it's the only place I've ever been on holiday! Every second spent at Disney is magical and I'm sure I'll have many trips with my family, my friends and maybe my own children one day. So, thank you Disney for making me so happy with your films and your theme parks. You really are one of the biggest things in my life!!

Bye guys!

Chloe xxx

Resolutions

Hello, 

Now, we are already one week into 2015! I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while but things have been a little hectic lately. So, considering that we are already one week in I thought I'd post my opinion about New Year's resolutions and little ones I have set for myself this year.

New Year's resolutions, I've always liked the idea. Little goals that people set themselves to achieve throughout the year. Some people stick to them and some people don't. I guess it comes down to what type of person you are and what goals you've actually set yourself because some resolutions can be unrealistic. I always try and stretch myself with the resolutions that I make each year but I also try and make them realistic, so I can feel good about myself come January 1st the next year.

So, here are my New Year's resolutions: 

Stay strong: *Mini trigger warning* This year, I want to be able to go through the year without self harming myself in any way. I've been clean since October 19th 2014 and I want to be able to carry that on throughout the whole of 2015. I see this as a realistic goal because I've made it so far already and that gives me motivation to carry on through the whole year. Plus, I have a lot of support in the form of friends, family and music around me to help me through this year. 

Worry less: Now, this is a little more of an unrealistic goal for me but I still believe I can take the first steps in this. I plan to set it as my resolution every year because I know every year I will come closer to worrying less about everything and becoming less anxious. I worry so much because I suffer quite badly from anxiety and everything around me makes me anxious and worry but I am becoming better at managing to control my anxiety and by doing that I feel as if I will become better at controlling my levels of worry.

Photograph more: As some of you may know, I want to be a photographer. That's literally my main life goal is to become a photographer. So, as one of my resolutions I need to go out and photograph more things in the world. I need to photograph more moments in my life and since I want to be a music photographer I would like to photograph at least five gigs this year. My first gig ever that I am photographing is tomorrow (January 9th 2015) and I am really looking forward to it. I'm hoping to photograph more gigs this year before going on to college to do a photography or journalism course. 

Work hard: This is one of my resolutions every year because I always work hard and I know if I have set myself that goal then I will work even harder. As I guess some of you had gathered, I'm taking my GCSE's in just a few months and I know that these last few months will mean everything to me. I am usually a student that keeps constant A's and B's but I know that I definitely want to keep that up and to not give up when things get difficult. So, I plan to carry on working as hard as I can without obviously stretching myself too much. 

Keep healthy: I know this seems like a cliche resolution but mines a little different. Yes, this does include losing a little more weight but it's mostly to keep healthy mentally. I suffer from both depression and anxiety and I feel like I'm getting a lot better at managing to control myself and my disorders. So yes, I would like to keep my body healthy physically but I also really want to keep my body mentally. 

There you are. They are my resolutions for this year. I'm already doing well at all of them and I really hope I can carry it on through this year. I hope if you guys have made any resolutions then you keep to them. Maybe you could comment what they are? 

Anyways, I'll talk to you all soon. 
Stay strong, 
Chloe xxx