Moving On and Something Good Always Comes.

Hey guys,
So the words 'moving on' are words that are used a lot right? I always say it mostly when somebody says something awkward and I just chime in with 'moving on.' But the two words have a meaning that is much stronger than getting out of an awkward situation that you've found yourself in. Moving on has a different meaning to everybody I guess, the thought of moving on can obviously sometimes be a very scary thought.

For example, in September, in just under three weeks actually, I'm moving on. I'm making the transition from High School to college and that change is going to be amazing for me. High school for me has been a hard time because of everything that happened while I was there but now I'm moving onto better things. Which is a relieve for both me and my parents because I know how worried they are about me and about thinking I would relapse. I'll admit, I'm scared about going to college, not knowing anybody that's there with me but it's an excited kind of scared, it's going to be a whole new adventure for me to embark on and I know I'm actually going to love it. 

I'm also moving on from a bad stage on my life. This 'bad stage' as I call it ranged from January 2014 - August 2015 so just over a year and a half. In this year and a half, things haven't been exactly what I'd call good for me and there's nobody else to blame but myself. I let myself get into a state that I shouldn't have, I wasn't as strong as I wanted to be and I took that out on myself in a bad way. Whether I was physically causing harm to myself or I was telling myself things that put me down, I knew that both of those things were wrong and weren't healthy but I did them anyway because I thought I deserved it. I thought I needed to be punished. This resulted in me doing just that, punishing myself. My physical harm stopped in October 2014 and that's when I started to take control of my situation but not fully, putting myself down is something I still do every time I look at myself or look at the scars on my skin. Yesterday, I decided to put this to a stop which is why I've logged out of my Twitter and Facebook at the moment, to take some time to myself and I still know my friends are in quick reach as I can still text them but yes, as of today, I am putting myself first and I'm moving on from that dark time to try and make myself happy and the people around me happy.

Obviously, sometimes, moving on is not an easy thing to do. I was born in Plymouth, Devon and I lived there for the first third of my life now I guess but when I was five, my dad left home and moved up to Rugely which is near Birmingham because he got a new job that paid more and my mum wanted to move because she could be closer to my nan. Anyway, I knew that it meant we'd also be moving and at first, I was excited about leaving and moving on but as time progressed, I didn't want too. I was leaving everything that was familiar to me behind me and moving somewhere where I didn't know anybody; the thought terrified me. And now, sometimes, I wish that I still lived there because it was peaceful and loved it even though, I know moving up here was a good choice for all of us, moving on really was hard.

When you're sad or something's bad happened do you ever get tired of hearing the phrase 'it gets better?' I know I do. I did. When I was going through that bad stage, everybody would say that phrase to me and it was honestly the most annoying thing ever and I hated it whenever they slipped out of somebody's mouth. When things are bad, you don't believe it. You don't believe that things are going to get better because basically it doesn't feel like it actually will get better. Like that simple phrase is a story we have to tell ourselves to help us actually sleep at night. In the past year and a half, I can't count how many times I heard that and how many times I responded with 'Okay, whatever. I hate that phrase' because I did, I hated it. The reason I hated it was because I didn't believe it, there was no way that things were going to get better, that's what my mind told me anyway. 

Just under a week ago, I collected my GCSE results and to put it shortly, I was dreading it. I had worked so hard on them, I really had and the thought of them not being very good terrified me, I was scared of disappointing those around me but most of all, I was scared of disappointing myself because I knew I'd be right back in a bad place. As it turns out, my hard work really did pay off because I got 2A's, 3B's and 2C's which is better than I thought so in the end, things did get better. I managed to get through those school years that were killing me and it paid off because I got the results that I wanted and needed to get into college which I've know enrolled into.

So, no matter how much you hate the phrase and don't believe it when things are going on, it gets better. I know that it seems like it really won't because things are so badly going wrong but they really, really do and that's a promise. Don't brush off the phrase the next time somebody says it to you like I did because now I know that it's true and that no matter what, I can do it. I can take control over myself, my work and my body because here I am, alive and pretty healthy and I managed to do that myself. Give yourself credit because, things are going to be okay. You're going to be okay.

On my spotify, I have a private playlist called 'You Got This' and it's a playlist of all the songs I like to listen to when I'm feeling down and I thought I'd share some of it with you guys because it might help some of you too and I'll link all of the songs too!

I'll Be Okay by McFly
Strong by One Direction 
Through The Dark by One Direction
She's Kinda Hot by 5 Seconds Of Summer
The Only Reason by 5 Seconds Of Summer
Missing You by All Time Low
Therapy by All Time Low 
A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton 
Just Keep Breathing by We The Kings 
All About You by McFly 
Don't You Worry by We Are The In Crowd
Art Of War by We The Kings
Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings
Central Park by Union J
Carry You by Union J
Wild Heart by The Vamps
Move My Way by The Vamps
Brightest Of Colours by James McVey 
Party Girl by McFly
Beautiful Girls Are The Loneliest by McBusted 
Somewhere In Neverland by All Time Low 
Sparks Fly by Hey Violet 
She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds Of Summer
Drag Me Down by One Direction 
Good Girls (Live Version) by 5 Seconds Of Summer 

Now I listen to some of these songs because they motivate me so much with the words and meanings of the song and then I listen to some of them because they hold a special meaning for me for example A Thousand Miles brings back great memories of last year, the live version of Good Girls makes me giggle and reminds me of Shayla, each song I listen to for a different reason but a special reason. This isn't even half of the playlist by the way, just a small snippet. 

Anyway, I hope you liked this post and I hoped it even helped some of you,
Have a lovely day, you deserve it,
Chloe xxx

Motivation.

Hey guys,
It's currently 1:53 on Tuesday, August 25th and I was reading something and suddenly have so much motivation to do so much stuff. Staying up until the early hours of the morning has become a nightly routine for me, I always seem to get nausea during the night which results in me not being able to fall asleep, anyway, I always find the early hours of the morning a time where I get a load of motivation to do things.

I know a lot of people who seem to find themselves motivated in the early hours of the morning too which is why I'm making this post I guess. Normally, my motivation comes in the light of blog posts, story ideas and new routines that I could try for when I go to college but motivation can push us to do different things. Tidying up, exercising, getting out of bed are just a few ideas off of the top of my head. It's a strange feeling when you suddenly feel motivated to do so much and when it comes in the early hours of the morning like it does with me, it isn't always easy to act on the motivation.

So, I googled the word motivation, and this is the definition,
"A reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way" which is true because when you're motivated, you suddenly find a reason to do something.

In May and June I was doing my exams as you may know if you do read my blog or if you're friends with me. Anyway, during that period and the time leading up to it, I treasured motivation to get up and revise because I knew that the more I revised, the better I would do in those exams that I was taking. My motivation for doing well in my exams came for a few reasons, I wanted to prove to myself that I was more than my high school bullies told me I was, I wanted to get into college so I could have a fresh start, I wanted to make my friends and family proud of me and I didn't want my years of hard work to go to waste and sometimes it worked. Some night, I sat up in my room, earphones in, revising for a good few hours at a time and then other nights I was curled up in a ball, crying and telling myself that I couldn't do it. It was the nights where I was full of motivation that pulled me through that short period in my life and now I have my results, I know that it was all worth it in the end.

I love feeling motivated to do something because when I've done that thing, I always feel a lot better about myself and that day. For example, if it's the early hours of the morning and I think of some sort of story idea, I type the general idea and save if it my notes, ready for a reasonable time, when that time comes, if I look over my notes and the idea is still waiting to be used and my brain is yelling out ideas, I feel a lot better about it because I've managed to keep that motivation.

But, like most things, motivation can also have a bad side to it. Sometimes, people are motivated to do a bad thing and that's a bad side of motivation. When I was about twelve, my parents told me a story about my brother (sorry bro) from when we were little. Basically, we both had advent calendars and one night, he ate all of the chocolate out of my advent calendar and I have no idea why. There must have been a spark of motivation there to make him do it and he acted on it and did it. Have you ever done something you shouldn't have? Acted up at school because you wanted to impress your friends and seem cool? Ate the last chocolate bar because you were hungry even though it belonged to somebody else? These are all things that we do because we have the motivation to do so and although, they are minor things, they're still bad things that are brain is telling us to do which of course, we act on.

When I had just turned fifteen, I knew there was something wrong. As in, I'd been self harming and I needed to speak to somebody, sure, my friends knew it was happening and one of them had decided enough was enough and made me go and see the school councillor and I was terrified. Especially when the words 'I have to tell your parents.' Slipped from her mouth. Fate was on my side that day as she hadn't been able to get through to my mum but now my problem was so out in the open, I took matters into my own hands as my mum and I were laid across her bed whilst we watched TV like we do every night. My heart was pounding in my chest and I couldn't focus on anything else and that was it. I told her. It was the best decision that I have ever made and I was so glad for the motivation that struck me in the moment, the motivation to get the help and support that I needed.

So, basically, when you have some motivation to do something good, use it. Even if it is two in the morning and you want to go outside and take a load of photos around your area, do it. Motivation can be a magical thing really, it's our brains way of telling us that we have something to do. But, if you're the one ready to go into a  sibling's room to steal their advent calendar chocolate, stop yourself and ask yourself why you want to do that before turning that bad motivation into good motivation. Make yourself a hot chocolate  instead.

What motivates you to do good things?

See you soon guys,
Chloe