Finding Your 'Happy Place'

"Things are looking up, even when I'm down, had about enough, looking at the ground..." - Things Are Looking Up - R5.

Happy place. Everyone has a happy place, a place where they feel safe and well, happy. It doesn't need to be a place really, just doing something that makes you feel safe and secure, pure happiness. Mine is in my room either listening to my music or watching Teen Wolf or it's when I'm out and about on my penny board taking photos. Those are my happy places because it's where I feel the most happiness running through my chest and where I feel most free to be myself and express myself the most.

No matter where or what you say is your happy place, that's fine and nobody can say you're wrong. It's your happy place, nobody else's. Yours. Whether it is being in bed listening to your favourite band or being outside shopping around the city, it's not wrong, it's where you feel happiest and don't let anybody take that away from you.

Music is a huge part of my life. My dad has always been really into music so when I was growing up, there was also music playing somewhere and it meant I also absolutely fell in love with it. It's a really beautiful thing, the amount of passion and effort that goes into writing a song, the sweet drum beats, the great bass lines, the amazing guitar riffs and the beautiful vocals that go with it all. I'm into a lot of different genre's of music; from rock to classical, I'll happily listen to anything for a try and if I like it, I'll go with it. Not only is it a big part of my life, it is a huge part of my happy place, I can't describe the feeling listening to music sends through me. No matter what has happened, it always makes me feel a lot better about the world around me.

My favourite band; The Vamps make me so happy. Those boys are amazing, they are one of those bands that I am proud to say, I have been supporting from the start, they fill me with a lot of happiness, listening to them, being at the gigs, it just fills me with a different kind of thrill that you can't describe, it has to be felt. From Tristan's beautiful drum beats to Brad's wonderful notes; from James' guitar riffs to Connor's amazing bassline, all of it makes me happy and being at their gigs, listening to them putting in the full passion on a stage in front of me is something that I would take over being at a party any day of my week.       

To me, music truly is my happy place, my escape from life. It brought me a load of really good people and it makes me really happy.

I wish that I could tell all of the bands and musicians that provide that happy place for me, what they did for me and I know that one day I will. 

My room is a huge part of my happy place, it's there for me when I'm sad, angry or happy. It's where I put my earphones in and blast my favourite bands or where I sit at my laptop watching Teen Wolf just to be taken away from where I am. My room is where I feel at my best, my worst, my happiest, my saddest. It's where I go to feel more comfortable and calm, where I go to remind myself of all the things that are going well or that are happening soon. 

I know that sometimes, it feels like happiness is the furthest thing away from what you're feeling right now but finding somewhere or something that you go/do that makes you happy is key. Whether it is your room with a film and your favourite bands blasting from your speakers or at a party dancing all night; it's your happy place so make it what you want it to be. 

In a few days, I meet one of my best friends for the first time and I know that is going to be a happy place for me as my friends mean the world to me. It'll be my escape for a few days, to laugh and listen to our favourite band, share stories and just be happy. After all, life is happy when you find the right people to help you do that.

Life is beautiful and you only get one go at it, make it as beautiful as you are.

See you soon!

Chloe. 

  

Moving On and Something Good Always Comes.

Hey guys,
So the words 'moving on' are words that are used a lot right? I always say it mostly when somebody says something awkward and I just chime in with 'moving on.' But the two words have a meaning that is much stronger than getting out of an awkward situation that you've found yourself in. Moving on has a different meaning to everybody I guess, the thought of moving on can obviously sometimes be a very scary thought.

For example, in September, in just under three weeks actually, I'm moving on. I'm making the transition from High School to college and that change is going to be amazing for me. High school for me has been a hard time because of everything that happened while I was there but now I'm moving onto better things. Which is a relieve for both me and my parents because I know how worried they are about me and about thinking I would relapse. I'll admit, I'm scared about going to college, not knowing anybody that's there with me but it's an excited kind of scared, it's going to be a whole new adventure for me to embark on and I know I'm actually going to love it. 

I'm also moving on from a bad stage on my life. This 'bad stage' as I call it ranged from January 2014 - August 2015 so just over a year and a half. In this year and a half, things haven't been exactly what I'd call good for me and there's nobody else to blame but myself. I let myself get into a state that I shouldn't have, I wasn't as strong as I wanted to be and I took that out on myself in a bad way. Whether I was physically causing harm to myself or I was telling myself things that put me down, I knew that both of those things were wrong and weren't healthy but I did them anyway because I thought I deserved it. I thought I needed to be punished. This resulted in me doing just that, punishing myself. My physical harm stopped in October 2014 and that's when I started to take control of my situation but not fully, putting myself down is something I still do every time I look at myself or look at the scars on my skin. Yesterday, I decided to put this to a stop which is why I've logged out of my Twitter and Facebook at the moment, to take some time to myself and I still know my friends are in quick reach as I can still text them but yes, as of today, I am putting myself first and I'm moving on from that dark time to try and make myself happy and the people around me happy.

Obviously, sometimes, moving on is not an easy thing to do. I was born in Plymouth, Devon and I lived there for the first third of my life now I guess but when I was five, my dad left home and moved up to Rugely which is near Birmingham because he got a new job that paid more and my mum wanted to move because she could be closer to my nan. Anyway, I knew that it meant we'd also be moving and at first, I was excited about leaving and moving on but as time progressed, I didn't want too. I was leaving everything that was familiar to me behind me and moving somewhere where I didn't know anybody; the thought terrified me. And now, sometimes, I wish that I still lived there because it was peaceful and loved it even though, I know moving up here was a good choice for all of us, moving on really was hard.

When you're sad or something's bad happened do you ever get tired of hearing the phrase 'it gets better?' I know I do. I did. When I was going through that bad stage, everybody would say that phrase to me and it was honestly the most annoying thing ever and I hated it whenever they slipped out of somebody's mouth. When things are bad, you don't believe it. You don't believe that things are going to get better because basically it doesn't feel like it actually will get better. Like that simple phrase is a story we have to tell ourselves to help us actually sleep at night. In the past year and a half, I can't count how many times I heard that and how many times I responded with 'Okay, whatever. I hate that phrase' because I did, I hated it. The reason I hated it was because I didn't believe it, there was no way that things were going to get better, that's what my mind told me anyway. 

Just under a week ago, I collected my GCSE results and to put it shortly, I was dreading it. I had worked so hard on them, I really had and the thought of them not being very good terrified me, I was scared of disappointing those around me but most of all, I was scared of disappointing myself because I knew I'd be right back in a bad place. As it turns out, my hard work really did pay off because I got 2A's, 3B's and 2C's which is better than I thought so in the end, things did get better. I managed to get through those school years that were killing me and it paid off because I got the results that I wanted and needed to get into college which I've know enrolled into.

So, no matter how much you hate the phrase and don't believe it when things are going on, it gets better. I know that it seems like it really won't because things are so badly going wrong but they really, really do and that's a promise. Don't brush off the phrase the next time somebody says it to you like I did because now I know that it's true and that no matter what, I can do it. I can take control over myself, my work and my body because here I am, alive and pretty healthy and I managed to do that myself. Give yourself credit because, things are going to be okay. You're going to be okay.

On my spotify, I have a private playlist called 'You Got This' and it's a playlist of all the songs I like to listen to when I'm feeling down and I thought I'd share some of it with you guys because it might help some of you too and I'll link all of the songs too!

I'll Be Okay by McFly
Strong by One Direction 
Through The Dark by One Direction
She's Kinda Hot by 5 Seconds Of Summer
The Only Reason by 5 Seconds Of Summer
Missing You by All Time Low
Therapy by All Time Low 
A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton 
Just Keep Breathing by We The Kings 
All About You by McFly 
Don't You Worry by We Are The In Crowd
Art Of War by We The Kings
Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings
Central Park by Union J
Carry You by Union J
Wild Heart by The Vamps
Move My Way by The Vamps
Brightest Of Colours by James McVey 
Party Girl by McFly
Beautiful Girls Are The Loneliest by McBusted 
Somewhere In Neverland by All Time Low 
Sparks Fly by Hey Violet 
She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds Of Summer
Drag Me Down by One Direction 
Good Girls (Live Version) by 5 Seconds Of Summer 

Now I listen to some of these songs because they motivate me so much with the words and meanings of the song and then I listen to some of them because they hold a special meaning for me for example A Thousand Miles brings back great memories of last year, the live version of Good Girls makes me giggle and reminds me of Shayla, each song I listen to for a different reason but a special reason. This isn't even half of the playlist by the way, just a small snippet. 

Anyway, I hope you liked this post and I hoped it even helped some of you,
Have a lovely day, you deserve it,
Chloe xxx

Resolutions

Hello, 

Now, we are already one week into 2015! I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while but things have been a little hectic lately. So, considering that we are already one week in I thought I'd post my opinion about New Year's resolutions and little ones I have set for myself this year.

New Year's resolutions, I've always liked the idea. Little goals that people set themselves to achieve throughout the year. Some people stick to them and some people don't. I guess it comes down to what type of person you are and what goals you've actually set yourself because some resolutions can be unrealistic. I always try and stretch myself with the resolutions that I make each year but I also try and make them realistic, so I can feel good about myself come January 1st the next year.

So, here are my New Year's resolutions: 

Stay strong: *Mini trigger warning* This year, I want to be able to go through the year without self harming myself in any way. I've been clean since October 19th 2014 and I want to be able to carry that on throughout the whole of 2015. I see this as a realistic goal because I've made it so far already and that gives me motivation to carry on through the whole year. Plus, I have a lot of support in the form of friends, family and music around me to help me through this year. 

Worry less: Now, this is a little more of an unrealistic goal for me but I still believe I can take the first steps in this. I plan to set it as my resolution every year because I know every year I will come closer to worrying less about everything and becoming less anxious. I worry so much because I suffer quite badly from anxiety and everything around me makes me anxious and worry but I am becoming better at managing to control my anxiety and by doing that I feel as if I will become better at controlling my levels of worry.

Photograph more: As some of you may know, I want to be a photographer. That's literally my main life goal is to become a photographer. So, as one of my resolutions I need to go out and photograph more things in the world. I need to photograph more moments in my life and since I want to be a music photographer I would like to photograph at least five gigs this year. My first gig ever that I am photographing is tomorrow (January 9th 2015) and I am really looking forward to it. I'm hoping to photograph more gigs this year before going on to college to do a photography or journalism course. 

Work hard: This is one of my resolutions every year because I always work hard and I know if I have set myself that goal then I will work even harder. As I guess some of you had gathered, I'm taking my GCSE's in just a few months and I know that these last few months will mean everything to me. I am usually a student that keeps constant A's and B's but I know that I definitely want to keep that up and to not give up when things get difficult. So, I plan to carry on working as hard as I can without obviously stretching myself too much. 

Keep healthy: I know this seems like a cliche resolution but mines a little different. Yes, this does include losing a little more weight but it's mostly to keep healthy mentally. I suffer from both depression and anxiety and I feel like I'm getting a lot better at managing to control myself and my disorders. So yes, I would like to keep my body healthy physically but I also really want to keep my body mentally. 

There you are. They are my resolutions for this year. I'm already doing well at all of them and I really hope I can carry it on through this year. I hope if you guys have made any resolutions then you keep to them. Maybe you could comment what they are? 

Anyways, I'll talk to you all soon. 
Stay strong, 
Chloe xxx

You Are Your Own Person

Hello, 

I have a quote for you today. "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." It is a quote that is up in my English classroom at school and I really like it. People always say that they want to go and find themselves but you don't need to find yourself, you need to create yourself and who you want to be. 

You are your own person. You make your own decisions and make your own mistakes. Life is like Sophie's choice, everything you do is up to you. You can make your own decisions and your own mistakes. Life is full of choices and it's up to you to make the right ones or learn from your mistakes. You are the only one who can make those choices, nobody else; you. You are your own person, you're a person who can see what is wrong and what is right in the world, no matter what has happened to you in the past or what you've done, you are your own person and you can make choices.

You just have to recognise what the right choice is. What the mistake you made was. Did you chose to say something you didn't mean? Did your choice become a mistake? Did your mistake actually turn out to be a good choice? Think before you act. If you're about to do something or say something, think about it first. Think about if it actually needs to be said or not or if it's going to hurt another person. 

Life is full of 'what if's?' It's full of choices and making decisions. There is no point dwelling on the what ifs, it's all in the past. You have to focus on what the future holds and not what the past holds. Life is full of ups and downs, left and rights and if you take the wrong turn, that's okay as long as you realise where you went wrong. 

Life is full of decisions; make the right ones. 

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

Chloe xxx

Happiness

Hello, 

Happiness. What do you think of when you see that word? I think of hugging all of my friends because they're the ones who make me the happiest. And hugging them always makes me feel safe and secure. Family time also makes me happy, when thinks are going wrong I think back to when we were in Florida and we were all happy. I hold onto those little memories. 

You should do what makes you happy. Sure, obviously, you put others first sometimes, it's a natural thing. To think of others before you think of yourself but sometimes you just need to relax and have some me time. When you've had a hard day, what do you do? I normally talk to my friends for an hour or so and then kick back in bed with hot chocolate and my favourite movies. 

Happiness is such a strong word. It's a word with a wide-range of meanings. Happiness is what you make it to be. It's what you feel inside of you. When you can't help but smile. When you feel a little spark inside of you that you call happiness. Happiness is what you make it out to be. You have to make it yourself. When you're down because you feel like all of your happiness has escaped you, just remember this, without the bad times there wouldn't be any happy times. 

Stand up, go and look at your reflection in the mirror. Smile. Smile because you.are.beautiful. You are beautiful inside and out. Smile because you're alive and because you have a pleasant life. Smile because you are loved. Even if you don't think you are then you are loved by so many people. You're fucking beautiful and wonderful. Happiness really is what you make it out to be. There is no right or wrong answer to the question 'What is happiness?' You just have to find it. 

Hold onto the things that make you happy. Hold onto those tight hugs, the smiles when you greet your friends. Those family moments that make you happy, those holidays. Hold onto the hot chocolates in the winter and the sitting by the fire in warm pyjamas and fluffy socks. Hold onto the simple colour change in the leaves and the people that make you feel special. Hold onto that little spark inside of you that tells you, 'you're happy' Hold on. Hold onto your life because, even though it may not seem it, it's the most precious thing to you. You're amazing and you're beautiful. You can make it. Hold onto that little thing called happiness. 

"Live life right now, just be yourself, it doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else." ~ The Middle by Jimmy Eat World.

Hold onto your happiness,

Chloe xxx

I'm no good with introductions...

Hello,

Now, I'm really crappy with introductions. People express their feelings through YouTube videos and social media rants. I, on the other hand, have decided to express my feelings through a blog.

My aim is to well express my feelings, I'm hoping to help people out and I hope you come and join me in the comments. I'm planning to upload a new post every Monday and Friday.

I hope you all enjoy reading? Ill try and be interesting.

Thank you and bye for now,
Chloe xx