struggling.

Lately, I've been feeling trapped. Very trapped. Trapped inside of myself and my own head, feeling so suffocated that I just feel like I'm not breathing anymore. I'm so tired and it feels like that is never going to change, my whole body is tired, all of my limbs feel like they can't keep going anymore and my head feels like it just can't keep up. Everything seems to be happening at once yet nothing seems to be happening at all, everything is just a blur, life is a blur that I feel like I can't see anymore.

Sometimes, things happen that you can't control in your life and sometimes it makes everything harder. That's the way life works but right now it feels like coping isn't even a word in my dictionary and things just get harder and harder, every single smile and laugh feels fake and forced and it feels like nobody around me is noticing because it feels like I've done this a million and one times before, the pretending that everything is okay even though I feel like I'm dying inside.

The worst part is that I can't even blame it on anything. Yes, I have some personal struggles in my life but everyone does. Things have been bad there since July 8th but I've managed to cope with that but now, now I can't seem to cope with anything. Everything is making me just want to breakdown and cry to myself, getting out of bed every single morning and painting on a smile to go to college with is the hardest thing ever. It's October and I have so many things coming up, Teen Awards which means reuniting with one of my best friends a little sister to me, meeting my favourite band, my best friend's birthday, seeing Bastille, seeing With Confidence, my own birthday and Christmas but I just can't seem to find it within myself to be excited about anything. I feel like I'm just seeing everything in black and white and we're living in a world void of colour.

I feel like I'm losing people, I feel like some people in my life just really don't care about me anymore and I feel like I've completely lost myself. Sometimes, life has bad ways of teaching us things, teaching us important lessons and maybe that's what it's trying to do.

Just know that if you are struggling with things right now and nothing seems like it's going right just know that you are not alone. Just know that there are people who love and adore you and want to make everything better. If it doesn't feel like it, I promise there are. We all just need to find our light and turn it back on.